Hold tight to the light you carry inside yourself.
People will strive to take that glow away from you
Everyone seems to think I don’t love myself or for that matter that i don’t know myself, because I choose to be in relationships with guys and friends that seem to hurt me. In some ways that may be true. I really do love myself, but sometimes I can’t even tell to what degree. I know I am smart and intelligent. More intelligent than smart. I know I am kind and as selfless as I can be. I am compassionate. I am also tightly wound and a worry wart. I am blunt to a hurtful degree on most occasions because I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I am not a coward in any way. I am a realist with a hint of optimism. I dream of the intangible, but feel that anything is possible with the right drive and motivation. I know there is evil in the world and I mean true evil. The evil that darkens souls. I believe in true love, but temptations are around every corner and people seem to give into desire of lust of fulfillment of love. Some view me as cold because I close myself off and don’t like to talk about myself, but I am not cold. I am guarded… I am jaded. I love without hesitation and am a fierce protector of the people I love.
Throughout my life I have always had friends, but the people who weren’t my close friends described me as cold or a bitch. However they never knew what it was like in my circle of friends or with my family. With my family I was never enough. I wasn’t smart enough even if I had straight A’s. I also still had to be pretty and have lots of friends. That’s what pleased my parents, so I did. My dad was in and out of my life from 13 to 17. My mom and him would fight all the time and then he would leave an then come back later. It could be hours, days, weeks, to months. When I was 15 I found out my mom was having an affair with a man that was regularly in my house and would buy me and my brother presents all the time and when I confronted my mom I was told I was crazy and then when I told my grandma she said be sure I know what I’m talking about so I don’t destroy my family. I was 15, I didn’t want to tear my family apart, so I kept quiet. I hated my mom for what she was doing and I hated my dad for choosing to be blind to it all. To this day when people tell me it wasn’t my place to say anything I want to scream at them and say yea because it wasn’t my life my parents directly affect with their actions. People say you need to remember that your parents are people too, yet they forget kids are people too and when you become a parent you lose the right to just leave willy nilly or carry on an affair that your children see. My family is the kind of family that believes money fixes all and that if there is a problem money and medication will fix it because that’s easier than talking about things.
Sometimes a girl just needs a good orgasms to make the morning a little brighter =)
I promise to love you:
at 6am when you’re waking to go to work, to school, or whatever road life takes you on, and when you didn’t sleep well, your hair is a mess, and your eyes are sleepy.
at 8am when we say goodbye for the day and you’re rushing out the door with a cup of tea and your car keys in the other hand.
at 5pm when you’re exhausted from the day and people have worn you out and you feel like crying, and falling asleep and escaping from everything. I will kiss your forehead, and wrap myself in your arms.
at 10pm when you’re heading to bed, even though you won’t sleep for hours. Especially when we become a human knot wrapped up in sheets and kisses.
at 3am when loneliness and sadness do not destroy you, but consume you and when you weep without an explanation, I’ll kiss your lips softly and tell you you’re the absolute best and that things will be better soon
I will love you when you grow old, and I will love you after that. I will love you if I’m no longer here. I will love you, I will love you, and I will love you.”