Tried to kill myself last night… best friend stopped me. I’m in the lowest pit and every time I try to climb out I get kicked further down. I need help… I don’t feel strong anymore.
There’s this girl and we dated the same guy. He lied to me about seeing her when he was still telling me he loved me and seeing me too. I remember one time he told me to come over in the morning; so I did. I got there early enough to watch him kiss her and her drive off and then oddly enough he drove off too, he told me she came over to try and win him back and he told me he had to tell her “he had to go to school for something” to get her to leave. Then he and I cuddled and I cried and we had sex. I still loved him, but he didn’t love me. He used me because he was afraid or confused or whatever he wants to call it. At this point I really don’t know. There were other instances after that one, but what’s the point in telling those. I often wondered what he said to her to make me the crazy one, but then again when you’re in love nothing will stand in your way. It hurt a lot back then and I felt used and I guess I over reacted with trying to get her to understand what he was doing, but she loved(s) him. I was also mad at myself. Gosh he and I were horrible together haha we barely agreed on anything and had almost nothing in common. The only thing that we ever did right was have sex. He made me understand how sex can be blinding… we constantly tried to change each other. I wish her the best more than him. I think I came off crazy because in my own weird way I cared about her. She seemed(s) to have a genuine heart and a shit storm of a life. Which I cam relate to. I don’t think she’d ever be my friend, but that’s okay. I hold no hard feelings anymore. He was never and will never be the one. I was stuck in an illusion clouded by sex and the intense urge to fend of loneliness and I think he was intrigued or something. Doesn’t matter. Lesson learned. I pray you the best. I really do. You do deserve it.