I used to think my little brother was the black sheep of the family and it wasn’t until recently I realized to my moms side of the family I am the black sheep. I was never a cheerleader, I like rock and roll and alternative over whats hip, I never dated the football stud, I never wanted to join a sorority, I love target practice and know a lot about guns, etc. The biggest difference between me and my moms side of the family is they dont believe people can change and they write people off almost immediately if they find the other persons lifestyle doesnt fit into their own bubble and idea world. I love to know everything about anyone who will let me pick their brains. I have met so many different people from so many tracks of life that it has helped shape me into a person I love. My moms side of the family however thinks horribly about everyone in the world. Too many tattoos? Gang. Swears a lot? Poor parenting. Piercings? Rebellious. Didn’t go to college? Complete waste of space and breath and will never amount to anything. Fat? Lazy. Skinny? Eating disorder. Likes death metal? Satan worshiper. The list goes on. They judge purely at face value and then if you can’t meet their unrealistic standards or refuse to for that matter, you are written off without hesitation and treated like a pariah. Also anyone who chooses to associate with you is also shunned to a degree… my life is a constant smile and grit your teeth.
I don’t know when we got to this point. It’s like I yell and scream and fight with you just to feel something. I don’t know you anymore… You aren’t the guy I remember meeting or maybe you just decided now to show your true colors and I was to blinded by love to see they were there all along. I sit in my room clutching my pillow trying to keep it together trying to figure out where we went wrong, trying to just understand that after all this time why you still say and do the things you do.
I really miss the guy i fell in love with.